Happy New Year: The Joy is in The Journey

I wish I had the time for a really well thought out blog post. I wish I could post an awesome "Year in Review" video like I did last year, or come up with some great way to share a solid re-cap of all the stuff that went on this past year.  But I am showing up here with nothing prepared. I just put all the kids down for a nap and realized that it's New Year's Eve and I don't think I should let 2014 go down without a few words. It was, after all, one of the most life-altering years of my life.

Then again, aren't they all? At least in one way or another?

The truth is, this year went by in a blur. A total fog of newborn twin-ness. I always joke that if I set up a GoPro camera in our home and played it back on high-speed, you would see me bouncing back and forth all over the place like a ping-pong ball. Picking up babies, chasing babies, feeding babies, playing with babies, cleaning up after babies and basically running a veritable marathon between the halls of this house. It's been busy, and we all know that when we are busy, time just flies on by. Whoosh.

This year has taught me so much. SO much. I don't have the time to adequately ruminate on the countless ways this year - and primarily the twins - have rocked me to my core, but they have, and in the most profound ways. Haven and Mira are proving to be my greatest teachers. First of all, they have taught me that the heart does in fact grow bigger, even though no parent can ever imagine loving subsequent children as much as their first. They have taught me the beauty of genetics and how two people can create three incredibly different and distinct individuals. They have taught me that, no matter how hard I try to control things, sometimes I have to go with the flow even though this can be very hard for me to do. "If you don't bend, you break," Scott gently reminded me one morning when I was starting to get agitated that things weren't going *precisely* to plan. As much as I hate to admit it, "going with the flow" goes against my nature. I can play the part for a while, but ultimately I like to be in the driver's seat of my life and - well - the twins have taught me that sometimes, we're not in the driver's seat, we're just along for the ride.

And what a ride it has been.

"The joy is in the journey." This phrase hangs dead center in Mira and Haven's room and it's a mantra I have found myself repeating in a "serenity now" sort of way.

I have not been the best "me" this year. Unrivaled sleep deprivation, plus a colicky infant, twins and a very willful two year old, mixed in with a hefty dose of uncertainty about life has, at times, brought out my ugliest side. I learned a lot of not so great truths about myself when push came to shove and I discovered that I have some serious mental housekeeping to do. My patience was put to the test on a daily basis and many times I did not rise to the occasion. On multiple occasions I failed as a daughter, friend, sister, wife and mother and I do not cope well with failure.

But, like everything in life, there is a yin to this yang, and that "yin" is the people who surround me. I am beyond blessed with an incredible network of people who counterbalanced my failures and irascibility with an incredible amount of love and support. My amazing parents, my beautiful friends and my incredible husband were all so instrumental to me (and my sanity) this year, I cannot even begin to tell you. They were strong when I was weak, kind when I was cruel, giving when I was selfish and each of them let my roller coaster of emotions and twin-induced hormones run their course. They laughed with me, cried with me and picked me up over and over. They had my back in a million ways, large and small, and I cannot thank them enough for it. To have people like that in your corner...well, that's when you have won a sort of lottery in life, I think.

And then there are the babies. Our amazing, incredible, beautiful, awesome babies. There are not enough words to describe how blessed and thankful I am that we have three happy, healthy children - they are seriously joy personified and I have no idea how we got so lucky. As challenging as this year was, it has also brought me more happiness than I could have ever imagined. Funny how life has a way of calibrating like that. Sometimes I lay awake at night just thanking the Universe over and over and over for what we have been given. Even though I don't know how I could possibly be more grateful, it never, ever feels like enough.

2014 has been a year of big changes but mostly, this year has been about love. Life-changing, course-altering, soul-shaking, heart-bursting LOVE. I can only hope that 2015 - and every year after - follows suit. I am beyond grateful. Asante sana, Universe.

Thank you all so very much for following along on this crazy, crazy ride. Happy New Year to you all.

LOVE.